The Storm Doesn't Last Forever

I don't know how to place my words towards my story since it will be quite long to read. For some or few of you may read my stories we may connect somehow and some may not but I am very straight forward and a very open minded soul. So lets get to it shall we. HI everyone my real name is Hai and born here and raise here in Denver Colorado. I was born in the year of 1992 which makes me turning 25 this year and why I'm spilling out my basic information? Well I believe every time line is important including the smallest details of who you are from the very beginning till this present time. 

My life as of now has been very depressing but it wasn't always like that. I used to live happy as I was growing up as a kid. I had parents and two younger brothers. As I was growing up and time has passes by it kinda hit me pretty hard when I was around at the age of five. My mother left us, us as in my father, my brothers and me. She left because she had enough with my father side of the family talking down on her, how my father is an alcoholic, how he is addictive towards gambling, how he was very abusive towards her and how I last remember how he beat her up while I was young and scared to help or to do anything at all. I felt useless. I loved my mother. I did. As I grew up I felt a whole part of me vanished because of her absent. I guess that was some form of depression that happened to form or appeared during those times.

While growing up at these times it was a lot harder for me to make any friends because of my father's job. His job is nails technicians and he sometime runs out of business which why we happened to move a lot. I woulds say more than twentieth times back then that we had to move. I was never happened to make any friends because I will always be that loner kid in school who gets pick on, bully, beat up, names call, or just being bully in general because I am different from other kids. I wasn't fit in to any crowds. Not just in school that I was getting bully but even when I come home from school I sometime get beat up by my father due to his abusive behaviors. When I turn seven that's when I realize I had depression and also understanding what that word meant. I guess I can say I was too depressed that I actually started cutting myself and smoking my first box of cigarettes. I still remember how that first cigarette made me feel. It felt like the wind breeze in your face and all a sudden it felt like the storm after you finish that last ash you flick away. I didn't know how to cope my emotions except by hurting myself. I now today have more than ninety cuts on my left arm.Well you see, to you people you may call it whatever you want but to me as of now I call it art. I have grown from them. I used them as my strength to surpass myself. I haven't self harm for more than four years now.

There's still more to my past that I haven't told because I basically skip couple of chapters of my life. Back to this chapter where I left off. After some years later my father also left us. He left me and my brothers to my grandparents for them to take care of us. He was a kind of father who take care someone else kids than his very own. I disowned him for being my father long ago. He only know how to talks down on me for the way how I dress, how my appearance may be, and who I am as a person. To even say it wasn't just him but also my family because I am different from the rest of them. I didn't have parents like others do and to be honest it isn't my fault to turn out this way but I'm actually happy for whoever I am today.

Now to my most painful memories of all. You guys just heard that I've never made any friends while I was young. Well that was kinda a lie. I actually did made one. He is a great one as well. He knows what I went through and above all he experienced the same like I did except he got to live with his mother at the time instead of his abusive father. Like I said before, my pain usually stacks and on top of that me and my friend who happened became my best friend. We always hung out everyday. This was during when I was going through middle school and how me and him used to gang bang. We were one of the worst kids you could ever imagine. We did bad things or just do stupid things back then but you can't blame us we were just kids. He was two to three years older than me. I had a great fare share life with him till one day we decided to walked on the wrong street. I could of die that day but he literally saved my life. It was a drive by that had happened. I can still remember vividly how it all turned out. I got saved by him by pushing me out from the gun shots. He got shot nine times instead. e literally bled all over my arms while holding onto him and was out of breath. I was so in shocked. His last words to me meant everything for who I have become today as a person. He got me out of the gang without getting jump out because his older brother was the leader of the group. He was the closest friend I could ever had because he got me out of troubles all the time. He loves me like his very own little brother. Ever since that day it changed me. I got more depressed than before. I became suicidal. And this all happened when I was only fifteen turning sixteen at the time.

I went through a lot of therapy and also went to mental hospital for how suicidal I was. My last attempt of suicidal nearly kill me well it actually did killed me. I was living with my father at the time and one day he abused me for a whole week for how bad I did in school. It wasn't my fault though due to being bully during high school because living in Florida and going to school where there's only racist kids exists are the hardest time for me. I don't want to explained what those kids did to me but for my father I can explain because he was supposed to be a father figure in my life but he's just some stranger to me even till now. The last day of my father ever abused me I took two bottles of prescription pills to OD. I then only have vision of myself fading out. My heart started to beats slow. My life was fading as I knew it would happened. I got sent to the hospital and I was pronounced dead but all a sudden a miracle happened after they last tried to electrocuted my heart one last time and my pulse came back but my conscious didn't. They then send me to this facility because I was in a coma. 

I was in a coma for five months and been staying in that facility for three months after i woke up. When I woke up I didn't remember who I was nor remember anything at all. I also forgot how to walked, talked, and function my body. After a few weeks after I started to gain some memories and learned how to function and you know what pains me the most? How no one ever visit even once during these times. I felt so alone. Not even my father visit me. Most of all I kept this to myself. I have told a few people only to those who I am close to. But today I realize that my story can be share thanks to Ty and Jakkie. I have the courage to tell. I just want you guys that you all aren't alone in this world who feels this way.

Who I am today well I have a passion for fashion because it self reflects who I am today because of my past. I became strong, I became wise, I became an essence. I would like to work on myself and to try out to design clothes in the future because it's something or in way I can express my feelings. I want to show love because love is so rare like reaching out to the stars where you can't even grasp. I want to let you know that I am here to give that out for free. I believe growth and possibilities that good things can happen to good people like myself. I still exist for a reason so I can help people like myself. Well this is my story and I hope you all enjoy reading. Thank you for this opportunity Ty and Jakkie. Thank you everyone for giving yourself time to read thoughts to this story, my story. Have a great day.

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