Grant J Arvay

This is harder than I thought it was going to be, I apologies in advance my writing skills aren't the best... I know it's probably the most common thing people say when talking about their pasts but this has meaning to me and I hope it means something to someone else. Middle school through High School were the darkest times of my life. It all started when I was in sixth grade. I was the new kid at Erie Middle School, my family had recently moved and I didn't know a soul in the area. Me being the awkward person I was I would assume anyone who showed me kindness was my friend. I would hang out with who ever gave me the time of day, for a while it was good. Until I brought Pokémon cards to school because I thought that's what the cool kids were in to. Boy was I wrong, after that day I was bullied everyday. I would try to defend myself but public speaking was never my strongest skill. I would stutter when I got flustered which only lead to more teasing and name calling.I still tried to make friends with people though, thinking there must be some kind people here. But time and time again I would end up doing something they all didn't like. It got to the point that I would just laugh with them whenever they made fun of me. It was like this for several years, all the while my image of myself and how I viewed the world got darker and angrier. It got to the point where I was the bully. I would pick on people first before the could pick on me. Things only got worse from there. I began to cut myself, I would explain I got the scars from climbing trees etc, because I kept people at a distance no one really noticed the fresh ones. I felt alone and angry, angry at myself for how I treated people and for how had people treated me. I was so crammed into my shell, a shell I made for myself but blamed other people for. I had never felt more alone. That's when I decided I to end it all. I attempted to take my life many times but I would always fail. It wasn't until was 20 that I got my hands on a crate of vodka I stole from a near by liquor store. I was going to kill myself through alcohol poisoning. I had downed three bottles of vodka and was half way done with my fourth when for some reason I looked over to a picture of my family. A sudden thought hit me, what would happen to them when I was gone? How would me ending it affect them? It was that thought that stopped me. I immediately went to the bathroom and forced myself to vommit all I had drank. I decided I would live for them. Live for my loved ones until I could live for myself. For a time it was hard I would often look back on my past and feel nothing but guilt. Why couldn't someone have been my friend, maybe I wouldn't have had to go through what I did if I had one person. It was during one of those times of sulking it hit me. It's not too late, I can still have friends. But I needed to be a friend first, be the person for others that wasn't there for you. I got the idea that I could help people who are going through the same thing I did. It started by randomly being nice to people, words of encouragement and love. I did that for a few months while I was in college. It wasn't until theater class that I saw what I was doing make any affect on the people around me. It made me happy. I want to keep helping people, one day I was on Tumblr when I saw a gif of Jennifer Laurence saying "where's the pizza?!" A person had wrote underneath it that Jennifer Laurence inspired them to not starve themselves because she didn't starve herself and rejected the magazines idea of beauty. That burned a fire in my heart. Actors and Models have immense influence on the public by how they act and what they do. I saw my passion, I always loved drama and acting so going into film and television seemed like the most logical path. That is where I come into the present, I have been a model/ actor for two years now. Encouraging others as I better my life and myself. Inspire them to better their lives and know they are beautiful. They are worth it and deserve happiness. Things have never been better, I have been blessed with so many people that care about me who actually accept me for me. I have never felt more at peace and happy in my life than I do now. That is my story and the lesson I want to show to others, bless the people who need it. Love the unlovable and the hurt. There may be days when you feel like it won't get better but I know first hand that the storm does eventually break and the sun shines through. My name is Grant J Arvay and this is my story.